


oblivion (is calling out your name)

by daisyridlevs



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Dark, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Dark Side Rey, Empress Rey, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Force Choking (Star Wars), Grief/Mourning, Minor Character Death, Murder, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Reylo - Freeform, Smut, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, World Between Worlds, but i promise it'll get better, just be patient, this is going to hurt im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:49:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22308955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisyridlevs/pseuds/daisyridlevs
Summary: As she crossed the room, her eyes were drawn to the throne, the one Papatine had urged her to take only moments ago. She would have, if Ben hadn’t come.Tears still dripping down her cheeks, she approached it slowly, a strange sensation coming over her. She knew, she knew with every fibre of her being, that she should turn around and leave. Ben wouldn’t want her to go this way.But Ben was gone now.[Grieving for Ben and desperate for a way to bring him back, Rey turns to the dark side for answers.]
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 39
Kudos: 87





	1. is there somewhere

**Author's Note:**

> i apologize in advance for the pain im about to put you through lol
> 
> (it'll get happier, i swear. we just need to see Rey grieve, she deserves that)

“No, no, no..”

Rey’s hands shook, still cradling thin air. Ben’s clothes lay empty on the floor.

“Not you, please, no,” she heaved, pressing her palms to the ground, tears dripping onto his black shirt and leaving little stains. 

“You came so far, you came so far, you were so close...” she sobbed, touching her forehead to the spot where he was laying just moments ago. “Ben…” 

Saying his name made it hurt even more. She had waited so long to be able to say that name, to be able to talk to him and know it was Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren. Letting out a wail, she curled into herself, laying on her side. She had spent her whole life searching for someone who knew her, who  _ really _ knew her, and just when she found him he was taken from her.

Somehow she had already known what Palpatine had confirmed- that they were a dyad, one soul, two halves of a whole. And now that he was gone, she felt it. She felt like half of her was ripped away, burned, reduced to ashes. She wished that she had died with him.

What was the point of living with half a soul?

When she finally found the strength to stand, clutching his shirt tightly in her hand, she found the where the lightsabers had scattered to and attached them to her belt. They felt different now, in her hands. 

She didn’t know where she would go from here, but did it really matter? Wherever she was, she would feel his absence, like knife between her ribs. Nowhere in the galaxy was safe when you were the source of your own agony. 

As she crossed the room, her eyes were drawn to the throne, the one Papatine had urged her to take only moments ago. She would have, if Ben hadn’t come. 

Tears still dripping down her cheeks, she approached it slowly, a strange sensation coming over her. She knew, she knew with every fibre of her being, that she should turn around and leave. Ben wouldn’t want her to go this way. 

But he was gone now. 

She reached her hand out, feeling a pull the closer she got. The second she touched it, she gasped, her eyes snapping shut, a wave of intoxication overcoming her. In a single moment, she re-lived every time she had been hurt, every time she had been left behind, every time she felt alone. She saw her parents leave. She felt the oppressive heat of Jakku. She felt the life draining from Ben as he lie in her arms, felt the force itself shudder in agony. She felt fear. 

No- she felt anger.

She opened her eyes, her body trembling, the tears on her face beginning to dry. Why she fought this part of her so long, she couldn’t remember. The dark side had always called to her, and now it welcomed her home, settling around her like a warm blanket. 

Pulling her hand back to her side and clenching it into a hard fist, she hoped that Ben was safe somewhere, somehow. She would burn cities, topple civilizations, destroy planets if it meant she could bring him back. She hoped that she could.

But when she touched the throne, she saw something more. Something darker. A future where she couldn’t bring him back. She would set the whole universe on fire. She would ravage armies, kill anyone who stood in her way, destroy what was left of her heart- and when the force finally took her, she would stare up at the night sky, surrounded by scorched earth, and reach for him. She would reach for him, and with her dying breath, she would ask him to forgive her.

And if she couldn’t bring him back, after all she’s done, and that was how her story ended…

Then so be it. 

Her eyes stung when she saw his ship, sitting idle next to hers. She wondered if he knew, when he came here, he would never leave. Climbing into it, she strapped herself in, tucking his shirt under her leg safely. A sense of purpose washing over her, headed for the resistance base on Ajan Kloss. 

___________________________________________________________________________

When she arrived at Ajan Kloss, everyone was celebrating. 

People were cheering, screaming with joy, crying with relief. When they saw her, they swarmed her, patting her on the back and bombarding her with praise. It all just made her angrier. She pushed through the crowd, her mind set on one thing, and one thing only. 

“Rey!” A voice called out behind her, and she turned to see Finn running after her. “I’m so glad you’re alright.” He enveloped her in a hug, smiling. Her arms hung idly at her sides, stiffening at the contact. 

“I don’t really have time to talk right now, Finn. I’m sorry.” She pulled away, and he frowned, hurt. 

“What’s wrong? We  _ won _ Rey.” Her blood boiled, fist clenching tightly around Ben’s shirt.

“No, you won.” She shook her head, eyes growing dark. “I lost _everything_.” She turned, stalking away before he could say anything more. Finn furrowed his brows in confusion, calling after her.

“What are you talking about? Rey?” 

She ignored him, making a beeline for her quarters. Setting Ben’s shirt atop her bed, she reached underneath it where she kept her collection of the Jedi texts. She remembered once, reading something about a world between worlds, a place connecting all moments of space and time. If there was any way to bring Ben back, that would be it. She stuffed them into a bag, along with Ben’s shirt and the lightsabers.

“What are you doing?” Rose stood in the doorway, arms crossed. 

“Packing.” Rey’s voice was flat, stuffing the remainder of her belongings into her bag and grabbing her staff. 

“For what?” Rose took a few steps towards her, brows drawing together in concern. “Where are you going?”

“Leave me alone, Rose. Please.” Rey turned to face her, her voice cold. She saw the hurt on her face, and she didn’t even care. 

“Why are you being like this?” Rose frowned, reaching a hand out to touch her shoulder. “You should be happy, Rey, we-” 

“Don’t tell me what I’m supposed to feel.” She hissed, swatting her hand away. “None of you could ever understand.”

“At least let us try.” Rose whispered, eyes scanning hers for answers. 

“I’ve lost the only person who ever understood me, Rose.” Her voice was raw, lips trembling. “Ben is dead, and everyone is out there celebrating, while I’ve lost half of my soul.” Rose took a step back, shaking her head slowly. 

“Rey, listen to yourself. We’ve spent over a year trying to defeat Kylo. He wanted you  _ dead _ .” 

“You don’t know anything about him, or me.” She spat, teeth bared. “He  _ saved _ me.” She growled, eyes on fire. “And his name was  _ Ben. _ ” She pushed her aside, stalking out of the room. 

They tried to stop her from leaving, each and every one of them. As she climbed back into Ben’s ship, all the people who called themselves her friends screamed after her, begging her to stay, telling her to celebrate with them. She ignored them all, lips pressed into a thin line, and left the resistance behind.

____________________________________________________________________________

Stripped down but nothing to her breast band and her underwear, Rey crouched over the shore of Ahch-To, twisting the fabric of her clothes tightly. She had stopped at a trading post on her way there, realizing that white didn’t exactly suit her anymore. After rinsing the dye out as thoroughly as she could, she draped them over a rock, leaving them to dry. She scanned her eyes over the now black fabric, eyes lighting up.  _ Much better.  _

While she waited for them to dry, she set to work on her next project, dismantling the both sabers well as her staff. After some careful assembly, she bled both crystals and placed them into the double sided saber she had constructed. Switching it on, both sides igniting with a crackle, she felt a surge of energy travel through her. 

Dressed in her newly colored clothes, she strapped her saber to her belt and headed back to the ship to retrieve her bag and the Jedi texts within. Opening the compartment she had placed it in, she noticed a crumpled mass of fabric at the back. Pulling it out, she dropped her bag to the ground as she realized what it was. 

Ben’s cape. 

He must’ve thrown it in there in a hurry, when he was on his way to Exegol. Hands shaking, she closed her eyes for a moment, still able to feel his energy surrounding it. Taking a deep breath, she opened her eyes, draping the cape around her and securing it tightly. It was a little big, but she didn’t mind. 

After finding a hut that was mostly stable, she built a fire, and sat began to pour over the texts. There wasn’t much about the world between worlds, and the little that was there was extremely vague. After reading it for what must have been the hundredth time, something occurred to her. 

The world between worlds was a place transcending time and space, connecting everything. 

And was one place she had been, on this very island, that she had experienced something very much like that.

Picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder, she steadied herself, and headed to the first place she had ever felt the touch of the darkness clearly.

The cave was just as she had remembered, cold yet comforting in an odd way. Although she should have been, she wasn’t afraid of this place - not the first time she was here, and not now. Approaching the mirror slowly, she dropped the bag to the ground, studying her reflection. 

Draped in black, eyes darker than she’d ever seen them, she felt as if she was seeing herself clearly for the first time. The part of her she’d repressed for so long, hidden away and smothered, was finally manifest. She reached her hand out, like she had so long ago, and pressed it against the mirror. The world blurred around her, and a small gasp escaped her lips, echoing around her.

“I came to you for answers once,” she whispered, her lips trembling, “and you denied me.” She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. 

“Please. Show me Ben Solo.”

She opened her eyes, searching for anything that would give her hope. A shadow, a voice, a feeling. But the mirror revealed nothing, the air around her shimmering as the cave reappeared around her. 

She stood there a moment, hand trembling, feeling darkness rise within her. Her blood boiled, face flushing with anger. Letting out a low growl, she ignited her saber and twirled it artfully, aiming for the mirror and swinging as hard as she could. The lightsaber crackled, sizzling against it, but the mirror remained untouched.

Rey switched off her saber, chest heaving, and fell to her knees. Hot tears began to stream down her cheeks, a soft sob escaping her lips. 

Reaching for the edges of Ben’s cape, she pulled it tightly around her, inhaling deeply. Her mind was a tempest, raging wildly against the loss that ate away at her heart. Suddenly, she felt like a child again, lost and alone. Terrified and angry. Abandoned.

She allowed the pain to consume her, curled up by the fire in the hut and resting her head on his shirt. She remembered the night they shared on Ahch-To long ago, their fingers touching softly. She had to believe he was there somewhere, just behind that mirror. Just beyond this world. She couldn’t give up, not yet.

Tomorrow, she would try again. 


	2. angel on fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Search your heart, Rey. You know the truth.” His voice was close, so close it was as if he was really there with her. “You cannot feel him, you cannot reach him. He will never return to you.” Rey’s stomach turned, and more tears began to spill down her cheeks. 
> 
> “If I abandon him, the pain will consume me.” She clenched her fist tightly at her side, nails digging into her palm.
> 
> “Let it.” 
> 
> [post-tros fix it, dark rey, eventual happy ending]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so glad to finally be updating this!!! i hope y'all enjoy :)
> 
> a few trigger warnings for this chapter, it gets pretty dark:  
> -choking  
> -death/murder  
> -grief

“Show him to me.” Rey whispered, her fingertips trembling against the mirror. “Show me Ben Solo.” It vibrated against her hand, sending a shiver down her spine as the world blurred around her. Her ears rang, her head growing light.

_ Please. Please work. _

The mirror in front of her remained empty, and tears began to form in her eyes. She had tried again and again, and each time she had failed. “Please. I know he’s there somewhere.” She muttered desperately, her lips quivering. She would take anything- a word, a sound, an image; any sign that he wasn’t completely lost.

Silence.

A tear escaped her eye, trailing slowly down her cheek. Just as she was about to pull away, however, a voice called out to her. 

“Granddaughter…” A familiar voice hissed, sending a chill down her spine. She felt her chest tighten, willing the voice away. “How desperate you are, clinging to the soul of a dead man.” Anger flared in her chest, muscles clenching as she tried to control it.

“Get out of my head, Palpatine.” She spat, her teeth barred. He laughed, the sound echoing around her and lingering in her ears. 

“Ben Solo is gone. You will not find him here, or anywhere else in the galaxy.” He whispered, causing her blood to boil. 

“I will not let you manipulate me.” Her voice was low, almost a growl. To lose hope was to lose herself- or what was left of her anyway. “No one is ever really gone.”

“Search your heart, Rey. You know the truth.” His voice was close, so close it was as if he was really there with her. “You cannot feel him, you cannot reach him. He will never return to you.” Rey’s stomach turned, and more tears began to spill down her cheeks. 

“If I abandon him, the pain will consume me.” She clenched her fist tightly at her side, nails digging into her palm.

“Let it.” Palpatine hissed, an invisible hand gripping her shoulder. “Surrender to your anger, your hurt, your emptiness. Ascend to the greatness you were always destined for.” Rey took a deep breath, her body humming. A strange sense of calm washed over her.

“How?” 

“Unleash your passion, your rage. Strike down anyone who stands in your way. Destroy each and every soul who has ever caused you harm.” His voice was no longer around her, but inside her, gripping her skull. “Go forth, child, and set the universe on fire. Be who you were always meant to be.”

Her body surged with electricity, his words igniting something deep within her. She remembered the vision she had when she touched his throne, the destruction she was capable of, and felt a strange sense of purpose. Her voice was steady now, eyes growing dark.

“I will.” 

____________________________________________________________________________

Rey grabbed Ben’s shirt, folding it gently and placing it in her bag. Certain now that Ben was gone forever, Ach-To no longer had anything to offer her except for memories. She wasn’t sure yet where she would go, but quite frankly it didn’t really matter. As she reached for her saber, she felt a presence nearing the island. 

She wasn’t alone.

Saber gripped firmly in hand, she stalked out of the hut and spotted a resistance x-wing landing near the shore. She shook her head, sighing bitterly. She had let the past die - why couldn’t he? 

“Rey? Is that you?” Finn’s voice echoed across the rocks as she approached, ben’s cape billowing behind her.

“Why are you here, Finn?” Her voice was quiet, yet cold and biting. He flinched at the sound, body shifting nervously.

“Why are you dressed like that? What are you-”

“I don’t owe you an explanation.” She gripped her saber tightly, knuckles turning white. “How did you find me?”

“Rose saw you took the jedi texts with you. We thought it was a safe bet to look here.” His voice was soft, partly from fear and partly from concern. 

“You shouldn’t have come.” Rey muttered, pushing past him and heading towards Ben’s tie. Of course he couldn’t be shaken that easily, though. Rey knew he was following her long before she felt his hand on her arm.

“Rey, please.” She ripped her arm from his grip, growling softly, her eyes beginning to burn. Finn took a step back, startled, and continued to speak calmly. “Please just tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help you if-”

“You couldn’t help me even if I wanted you to.” She spat, igniting and expanding her lightsaber with a flick of her wrist. The red glow was reflected in Finn’s eyes, along with an emotion she guessed was a mix of sadness and terror. 

“Rey…” Her name fell from his lips without thinking, an involuntary plea.

“I’m leaving now.” Her voice was biting and lifeless as she stalked closer to him, tilting her head. She twirled her saber effortlessly as she walked, nearly grazing his jacket, and leaned in until she was mere inches from his face. “Don’t follow me.” She hissed, her own voice sending chills down her spine. “You won’t like what I’m becoming.” She felt him tremble beneath her grip. 

She released him and turned, flicking her lightsaber off and stalking off towards the tie, refusing to look back. Hearing him scurry away towards his x-wing, she hoped he would listen to her. She didn’t want to hurt him.

But if anyone got in her way, including him, she wouldn’t hesitate to strike them down.

Securing her bag in a compartment and strapping herself in, she fired up Ben’s tie. Or...was it just hers, now?

_ No. It’ll always be Ben’s. _

Hands hovering over the controls, she contemplated where she might go, and remembered Palpatine’s words. Nothing could erase her pain, not completely- but revenge might ease it. Suddenly, she knew exactly what she wanted to do.

Taking a deep breath, she steadied her hands and set course for Jakku.

____________________________________________________________________________

When she landed on Jakku, it was dark. The desert was cool at night, a gentle breeze blowing across the dunes. She would think it peaceful if she didn’t know better. She had landed just outside Niima outpost, approaching it slowly. She couldn’t see any other scavengers mulling around, but she wasn’t surprised considering the time. She didn’t mind though, because right now she was only looking for one person. 

Making her way through the outpost, she felt a pang in her stomach, memories surrounding her like quicksand. She shook them away, pressing her lips into a thin line. Those days were long gone, and she refused to let them rule her. Approaching the center of the compound, she found herself outside the hut that belonged to Unkar Plutt. 

She closed her eyes, breathing deeply. She knew that once she did this, there was no going back. Strike someone down in anger, and you surrender yourself entirely to the darkside. If she had a choice, she would have chosen love over fear, over hatred and revenge. But the one thing she ever loved was gone now.

_ Revenge it is. _

She opened her eyes, feeling her body burn in anticipation. With a flick of her fingers, she flung the door open, waking Unkar from sleep. He grunted angrily, straining his eyes to make out the dark figure before him.

“Who’s there?” He growled, rising from his bed. I’ll have your head for waking me at such an hour.” Rey ignited her lightsaber, flipping it open, washing the room in a red glow. 

“Hello, Unkar.” She smiled darkly, advancing towards him slowly. His mouth fell open, fat lips trembling. “I’ve never seen you terrified before.” She smirked, raising a hand to slide her hood down. “It’s refreshing.”

“I..I’ll give you anything you want.” He stuttered, bumping into the wall in an attempt to back away. “Please.”

“I don’t want your possessions, or your money, or your favors.” Rey’s eyes flickered as she swung her saber gracefully, grazing his leg. He cried out in pain, gripping the wall behind him. “No, Unkar. I want revenge.” 

“Please, I’ll do any-”

“Silence!” Rey hissed, raising her hand and using the force to choke him. He struggled against the pressure, emitting frantic strangled sounds. She lifted him, dangling him a few inches above the ground, stepping closer. “What a pathetic creature you are.” 

Electricity coursing in her veins, she felt her body vibrate with adrenaline. It was intoxicating. She tightened her hand, closing his throat completely and watching his face turn a strange shade of blue.

“You will  _ never _ hurt anyone again.” Her voice was rough, tears forming in her eyes, as she gripped her saber tightly and thrust it between his ribs. His eyes widened and glossed over, his jaw going slack as the life left his body. 

Releasing her hold on him, his body slid to the ground, illuminated in red. Her chest heaved, hands shaking as she switched her lightsaber off and clipped it to her belt. The rush of power dissipated as quickly as it had come, leaving her body just as the life force left his. The degree to which enjoyed taking a life should have terrified her. She should have felt ashamed, disgusted, horrified...but she didn’t.

In fact, for the first time in her life, she felt like she was truly in control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it! leave a comment :) xx
> 
> follow me on twitter @daisyridlevs !


	3. when i watch the world burn, all i think about is you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her hands still raised, more lightning shot forth, striking the base of a canopy and igniting it. Through a haze of power and rage, she crossed through Niima Outpost slowly, destroying everything within her reach. As she passed by a workstation, she caught her reflection in an old piece of shattered mirror. Her eyes had changed. 
> 
> They were a bright, burning yellow.
> 
> [post-TROS fix it, dark!rey and reylo with eventual happy ending]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare yourself now, bc this one is INTENSE.
> 
> PLEASE consider the following trigger warnings before reading:  
> -choking  
> -death/murder (some of which are descriptive)  
> -grief  
> -fire/burning

After she had killed Unkar and watched the light drain from his eyes, Rey thought she would feel relieved. There were a million living scumbags scattered throughout the universe, but at least she’d gotten rid of one, right? But she didn’t feel relieved. As the adrenaline of the kill faded, so did the exhilaration, and it left her feeling hollow and cold. If anything, she felt  _ hungry _ .

She stalked across Niima Outpost, indignantly using the force to scatter various tools with a flick of her fingers. If she wasn’t so tired, she would’ve burned it all down. 

_ That’s okay. _ She smirked, her own thoughts amusing her.  _ I can just do that tomorrow.  _

The desert was cool at night, the wind catching Ben’s cape as it billowed around her. She remembered what he looked like that day in the desert on Pasaana, his cape fluttering behind him, his hair windblown. He looked like something out of a legend, too beautiful to describe. She wondered what she looked like, traversing the sand in the same cape, dressed in black like him. If he saw her now, would he think she was beautiful, or terrifying?

After walking for a while, she finally came to her old home. Bitter nostalgia washed over her, curdling on her tongue like sour milk. She thought for a moment that perhaps she should turn back, maybe spend the night in Ben’s ship. For some reason though, she felt like this was something she needed to face. 

Ducking inside, Rey felt her heart clench in a way she didn’t expect. Everything was just as she left it. She ran her fingers over the scratch marks in the wall, remembering the strange combination of hope and desperation she felt each time she added one. She felt like her formative years were all some kind of cruel joke. 

Tossing her bag and saber aside, she plopped to the ground with a huff and curled up on her side. The floor was cold, but she refused to sleep on her old cot. Not only was it dusty and probably riddled with sand, but she didn’t think she could bring herself to sleep on that ever again. She’d spent too many nights shivering on top of it, begging for things to be different the next morning. 

Her nose scrunched as her mouth quirked to the side, eyes stinging. If only Ben were here with her, maybe she wouldn’t be so cold. Maybe the metal walls wouldn’t make her feel so alone, maybe...  _ No _ . She wouldn’t cry. Not here, not now. Hands quivering, Rey reached out for her bag and rooted around in the dark, searching. After a moment, her fingertips brushed the fabric of Ben’s sweater, and she sighed in relief. Closing her fist around it and pulling it to her, she held it to her face, inhaling deeply. 

Before she knew it, she was asleep. 

____________________________________________________________________________

_ “Rey? Can you hear me?”  _

_ Rey’s heart skipped, recognizing his voice instantly. She spun around, her surroundings shifting from a white blur to a dark, shimmering space. She felt as if she was floating. Maybe she was. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him.  _

_ “Ben?” Her voice wavered as tears welled in her eyes. He drifted closer to her, dressed in the same clothes he died in. “Oh my god, Ben.” Her voice broke, her hand trembling as she reached out to touch his cheek.  _

_ “Rey, I need you to listen to me.” He placed his hand over hers, and she nearly sobbed. It was so warm, close, so... real. “You’re losing yourself. You can’t keep going down this road.”  _

_ “Why not?” She whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek.  _

_ “Destruction and vengeance won’t heal you.” He frowned, his thumb wiping her tear away. “I want to come back to the woman I fell in love with, not an empty shell.” Rey felt her stomach turn, and suddenly the illusion was broken.  _

_ “You aren’t real. This isn’t real.” She shook her head, more tears spilling across her cheeks. “You died, Ben.” _

_ “You’re wrong.” He whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. “I’m not dead, just far away. I’m on my way back to you, Rey.” She could feel his breath against her, and her knees weakened. She knew this had to be an illusion, a dream...maybe even a nightmare.  _

_ What a cruel sense of humor her mind had.  _

_ “Ben...” His hands wrapped around her, pulling her close. Her heart ached, and she let out a soft sob. “I tried to bring you back. It’s impossible.” _

_ “That’s not true. The other Jedi in this world between worlds...they’re helping me gather my strength, and then it’s my choice to stay here or return.” He pulled away, looking into her eyes. She felt her lip quiver as she saw he was crying, too. “I’m choosing to return, and I'm just about strong enough. But you need to give me someone to return to.” _

_ “No. My mind's telling me what I want to hear.” She sobbed, her hand threading through his hair. “You’re an illusion. A cruel trick.” Ben frowned, not bothering to wipe away his tears as they slid down his chin.  _

_ “I don’t have much time, Rey, please. I can only sustain this for so long.” Ben’s eyes were frantic now, and the world began to shimmer blur around them. “Promise me you’ll abandon your anger. Promise me you won’t make the same mistakes I did.”  _

_ The space around her continued to blur, and so did he. She felt her body ache for him as the warmth of his skin slowly faded.  _

_ “I can’t do that, Ben. I can’t hope for-” _

_ He opened his mouth to speak, to plead with her, but the words came out scattered and distorted. He faded away in sporadic glitches like a broken hologram.  _

_ ____________________________________________________________________________ _

“Ben?” Rey called out for him as she awoke in a cold sweat, sitting up and glancing around frantically. It had felt so real.  _ He _ had felt so real. 

Surrounded by the metal walls of her childhood home, however, she was painfully aware of what was actually real. Ben was dead. This endless sea of loneliness and scattered intention was her life now. She didn’t want to spend another second on the cursed planet, but she also couldn’t leave until she had utterly destroyed everything Unkar had built here. 

Donning Ben’s cape and gathering her things, she headed out into the desert, the mid-day sun glaring across her face and forcing her eyes into a squint. She had slept unusually late. She looked back at her former home, heart burning with the memory of her lonely childhood.

How she  _ despised _ that place. 

Her hands shook, memories of her abandonment replaying behind her eyes. The ship departing. Her screams. Her silent plea every night from then on.  _ Please come back to me. _

Her chest caught fire, jaw clenching tightly as she raised her hands in front of her with a look of intense focus. She reached out to the force, channeling all the pain of her past, all of the harm this place had imposed on her, all the heartbreak. Her fingertips began to twitch and grow hot, beads of sweat forming on her forehead as she felt her power build. With a low growl, she released her pain, crackling beams of lightning shooting from her palms and striking the overturned AT-AT.

The metal shell sizzled as the inside of it caught fire, smoke and flames billowing out of the hatch she’d left open. Rey imagined the cot in flames, the scratches on the wall blackening and melting away. Her eyes were wide, breath frantic and ragged, her pupils expanded from the adrenaline. 

Chest heaving, she withdrew from the force and dropped her hands to her sides, palms tingling as she watched the flames dance before her. It didn’t erase the past, nothing could, but it still felt like justice. 

____________________________________________________________________________ 

Niima Outpost was a wreck when she arrived. 

It had been discovered that Unkar was dead, and his lackeys were on the hunt for the culprit. The other scavengers were notably distressed, both due to the manhunt and the fact that their food supplier was no longer alive. As much as they hated him, they depended on him. Rey remembered the feeling all too well. 

As she approached, heads began to turn. She stood out amongst the local populace, clad in all black and an rare sense of self assurance. Unkar’s men swarmed her almost immediately, assuming that if anyone was capable of killing him, it would be the mysterious woman with a dark look in her eyes.

“Who are you? Where do you come from?” One of them hissed, brandishing a makeshift blade. The others surrounded her, similarly armored with sub-par weapons. “Identify yourself, outsider!”

“I’m no one.” She smirked, igniting her saber and spinning it swiftly, slicing him in half. The others around her raised their weapons to charge, confident that there was safety in numbers. She pivoted on her heel, stabbing one of them in the gut with her saber. He screeched, dropping his club, and with a swift turn she twirled her saber sideways, cutting through another opponent. One after another they made a go at her, each one as ridiculously reckless as the last.

With one final thrust, the last of them fell to the ground, her fallen enemies surrounding her. It wasn’t until she switched off her saber and glanced around that she noticed the scavengers were staring, their eyes wide with fear. She lowered her hood, stepping out of the circle of bodies, and addressed them. 

“You don’t need to fear me. I’ve come to liberate you.” Her voice was firm and loud, and distinctly commanding. They watched her silently. “No longer will you answer to Unkar or his men. No longer will you sweat all day in the desert heat to earn less than you deserve.” 

“We have no other way of life.” An old woman cried out, her face twisted in anger and disdain. “You have destroyed our only means of survival.”

Rey pressed her lips into a tight line, nostrils flaring in anger. Her fists clenched at her side, and she willed herself to be patient. 

“You will find a new way of life, a new purpose. Free from isolation, free from oppression and-”

“We have known nothing else.” A young man spat, eyes narrowed. “You’re no liberator, you’re a tyrant.” 

_ Fuck patience. _

Stalking forward, she raised her hand and clenched it, choking him. His eyes widened as his face paled.  _ Where’s your defiance now? _

“How ungrateful.” She hissed, feeling a dark force ripple through her body. “If only you had been more appreciative, perhaps I wouldn’t be losing my temper.” 

He struggled against the force, hands clawing at his throat desperately. After only a few moments, he lost consciousness, the life draining from his eyes. She released her grip on him, letting his body fall to the ground. 

“Would anyone else like to speak their mind?” She spat, spinning to look at the scavengers with bared teeth. They looked at her silently, some trembling, some crying silently. The old woman who had spoken before, however, took a step forward with a firm expression. 

“None of us will thank you for your violence. I will not bend my knee to a delusional-”

Rey growled, raising her hands as her palms released a powerful burst of lightning. It hadn’t even been a thought or a conscious choice; it was an impulsive manifestation of pure anger, hatred, and pain. The scavengers around them screamed, scattering every which way as the old woman fell to the ground, now nothing more than an electrified husk.

The cries of terror, the looks of disgust...they should have brought her back to sanity. They should have compelled her to stop. But instead, they urged her forward. 

The feeling that overcame her was indescribable. It was the strangest combination of complete loss of control and ultimate freedom. Body burning, Rey felt a guttural sound escape her lips, her hands twitching as she came completely undone. 

Her hands still raised, more lightning shot forth, striking the base of a canopy and igniting it. Through a haze of power and rage, she crossed through Niima Outpost slowly, destroying everything within her reach. As she passed by a workstation, she caught her reflection in an old piece of shattered mirror. Her eyes had changed. 

They were a bright, burning yellow.

Scavengers continued to scatter in an attempt to escape the blaze, some catching fire and falling to the ground. It wasn’t long before all of the outpost was up in flames, the heat licking at her skin.  Again, she could have stopped there, but she wasn’t the same person anymore. She didn’t want to stop. She chased after the few scavengers still within reach, igniting her saber and striking them down without batting an eye. The terror in their eyes only fed her adrenaline.

When there was nothing left for her to burn, or dismantle, or demolish, she fell to the ground. Her chest heaved with exhaustion, her muscles aching. She looked up at the sky, the flames flickering around the edges of her vision. The sun had begun to set, and the sky was darkening, the stars becoming visible.  A strange feeling washed over her, her head spinning as she realized this was the moment she had foreseen. The moment in which she would lose herself, her heart crumbling to ash as she succumbed completely to her darkness. The fire, the stars, the shame. She searched the night sky for any sign of him, any trace of his soul, and wondered if he could see her. 

“I’m sorry, Ben.” She muttered, her lips quivering slightly. “I’m sorry that I’ve lost myself.” Tears formed in her eyes, running down the sides of her face and dripping onto the sand. “Even if you could come back to me, you wouldn’t want to now.” 

Her eyes drifted shut, the heat around her flushing her cheeks and enveloping her in her own mistakes. As ashamed as she was, she wasn’t sure she regretted it. Decay and destruction were all she knew now. They were all she had left. 

Just as she was about to surrender to exhaustion, her body began to tremble, a familiar force signature washing over her. 

“If I can be redeemed, so can you.”

“Ben?” Her stomach dropped at the sound of his voice.  _ No. No, it isn’t possible. _ Rey opened her eyes, a sob escaping her lips involuntarily. Her chest surged with joy.

Because despite all logic, Ben Solo was there, standing over her, as real as she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it :) leave a comment! xx
> 
> follow me on twitter @daisyridlevs!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! let me know what you think :) xx
> 
> follow me on twitter @daisyridlevs !


End file.
